Being a pillar for someone isn’t easy. Being strong is worse. Showing that you are independent is demanding on you and a guaranteed ticket for others that they can rely on you.
Never saying the words ‘I’m not okay’ is stupid. This is why no one ever reaches out to you cause you are always doing fine through their eyes. And every time they do decide to ask you – you’re always fine. Can you blame them? No! It’s what you asked for- peace and quietness.
As much as I love being a giver, it gets exhausting never being a receiver. I’ve yearned for the tlc and being spoilt, simply because I think I truly deserved it. I’ve learnt the long wait and how to wait some more and more and more. But last year I decided to stop waiting. I felt that I wasn’t moving forward especially mentally. I felt trapped in one place and Ive been living a cycle of events over and over. This became very evident to me.
I’m starting all over – from the very beginning. I’m learning how I can rely and depend on me all over again, regardless of the past. The biggest lesson is learning how to love me and how to love others. But more importantly, I’m learning how to stop, feed my engine first before I give anyone and I mean anyone, from my reserve tank. I just point blankly refuse.
Learning – Growing – Living – Loving