A journey of a lifetime

So the trend in the past few years have been, My journey. I’m on a health journey, a renewed journey etc. Even me I use it, cause I’m on my transformation

Before we get there, I’m going to quickly side track….

I’m no wordsmith, but I do pay attention to words, how I describe myself, and how I talk to myself. And in my books, this is essential. We critique ourselves the hardest, we are mean to us and we don’t even realise it. Honestly, sometimes it takes time to be gentle with yourself, I know this cause I’ve experienced it.

Months ago I met someone had a random chat. We talked about food etc., I said I love pizza. We didn’t get to the fact that I’m also super health conscious in my own ways yet the guy commented, so it’s your cheat day? I stopped and said, I don’t do cheat days, I eat what I want. I don’t cheat on myself. He said: Oh you’re one of those uptight CEO ladies that’s super sensitive about everything. And I went mhmmm, this is how he perceives me. Ok, well that’s fine. Moving on….. I claim the CEO for sure! Amen!

Sensitive? Yes, you should know how you use negative words over your life. Be careful of repeating the same things to yourself over and over. It appears meaningless at the time, but you’re creating that negative chat cycle. You can maintain modesty, but not to the detriment of your integrity and respect for You.

Back to the journey, and my issue with this word. In 2009 I had my first experience with the Law of Attraction. I’ve always been passionate about mental well-being, but I was not aware of this concept and how practical it can be applied in every day life.

After 2 years of practicing the law of attraction I was very tuned in and tapped on with my conscious being. It was great. To an extend, I knew and became aware of what lies beyond as well, in the subconscious and unconscious. My belief system shifted, I felt great. I thought this was it, my journey to discover me has been completed. Haha, see the journey. For clarification, I coupled the law of attraction with my religious beliefs and my knowledge of psychology.

And then came life barriers, The real big ones, and I went, but didn’t I deal with that already?

Haven’t we passed this stage? Why are we here again? I’m not supposed to be here, I’ve done the work.

Naive Charlene, thinking that whatever happened or was dealt with in the past will never return. Thinking that the life will be perfect from here on. Sorry booboo, it doesn’t work that way.

And this is why I have changed my line about being on a journey.

A week ago, my brother asked me, Are you still studying? When will you stop? I said, youshould never close yourself for learning and developing. These words I was saying to him and to myself. You can’t always rely on past lessons and experiences. You have to be open to learn, experience more and more. It’s not about going to school, oh no, your lessons are around you Every Single Day. This Is My Life.

Journeys have a start and end point. My life is continuous. It evolves, it moves, it can never stagnate. It flows, it’s active. When I go on a project, task, travel experience, these are journeys. They have a starting and ending point. But living my lifestyle is forever. You see I can never go back, I can’t have what I used to, I can’t depend on the lady, I smile at the past and I’m excited for the future. But for today, I live, it’s my life to learn and grow into a beautiful oak tree with the most vibrant green leaves.

On that note, it’s also about your interpretation and understanding right? And for me, I’m on my life.

Breathe, Smile, Feel, Love, Give.

Char

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It’s just stuff

What do you hoard? I used to hoard shoes but over the years I’ve drastically reduced my pile. I quickly discovered the I hoard PDF’s of all kind, I used to hoard music files but then I ran out of space on my laptop and my hard drives. And now I’m running out of space in my life hahahaha

It’s hilarious right? Where does this come from? From having nothing to always keeping your arms open to get more?

I think it comes from the fear of losing things, physically and emotionally. We are in a world where so much is going on, we consume more outside things, we care more of the external than the internal. We create beliefs and values based on Stuff on the exterior. And then you’re afraid of missing out, also known as FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), on important trends happening around you. You’re afraid you’ll be left behind. So you HOLD On to things. You also want to fill up your reserve and your super-reserve haha. And! We want to be ready – prepared at all times. But it doesn’t work that way.

You justify it by saying: I will read it one day, I will listen to it one day, I will wear it one day, I will use it one day. Come on! How many one days have passed and you never thought of that Thing? Mhmm, speaking to myself and the masses right now.

Oh then there’s my favourite – I need it! I want it! Haha, what do you need? How do you know you need it? Hilarious! I’ve lost files in the past, once it’s gone there’s nothing you or any technician can do about it. That’s it!

So sometimes, when I feel a bit overwhelmed I have to clear clutter and get rid of stuff. I clean up or scrub something in order to release tension or whatever. It works for me! I can also praise myself for the all to popular ‘One thing in- Another thing out. I live by this! When I buy a new clothes/shoes/bags, I do get rid of an old item. It’s not everything that I hold on to. In my entire wardrobe I have about 5 clothing items not regularly worn, I’d say that’s a good number. For shoes? Mhm, maybe 3 pairs of heels bought on a sale, that I can get rid of now. I walk daily using public transport etc, heels aren’t comfortable for me.

In China, I have a girlfriend who is on the minimalist lifestyle. I’ve learnt new tricks and adjustments from her. And this led me to my new wardrobe plans, space plans etc.

So far, I’ve gotten rid of my sofa, Yes, I said sofa. It’s one of the things that makes me the laziest. Cause if you have shit to do, you need to pay attention to what’s holding you back. That damn sofa was like a magnet, it draws you in so much, by the time you check your watch your entire day has passed. I’m really serious. So now I camp out on the floor (carpeted and cushioned). Not always comfy, but I’ve had to learn to adjust and make this situation doable. Isn’t that what flexibility is really about?

There’s more to come, this is only the start.

Peace and love,

Char

An empty vessel is a useless vessel. Give wisely.

Being a pillar for someone isn’t easy. Being strong is worse. Showing that you are independent is demanding on you and a guaranteed ticket for others that they can rely on you.

Never saying the words ‘I’m not okay’ is stupid. This is why no one ever reaches out to you cause you are always doing fine through their eyes. And every time they do decide to ask you – you’re always fine. Can you blame them? No! It’s what you asked for- peace and quietness.

As much as I love being a giver, it gets exhausting never being a receiver. I’ve yearned for the tlc and being spoilt, simply because I think I truly deserved it. I’ve learnt the long wait and how to wait some more and more and more. But last year I decided to stop waiting. I felt that I wasn’t moving forward especially mentally. I felt trapped in one place and Ive been living a cycle of events over and over. This became very evident to me.

I’m starting all over – from the very beginning. I’m learning how I can rely and depend on me all over again, regardless of the past. The biggest lesson is learning how to love me and how to love others. But more importantly, I’m learning how to stop, feed my engine first before I give anyone and I mean anyone, from my reserve tank. I just point blankly refuse.

Learning – Growing – Living – Loving

Char

Thank you for clarity.

Human beings are all stubborn. The more exposure to the outside world, the more out of touch we grow with the inside world, this is my opinion based on my experience. The good thing is, there are always opportunities to balance, harmonise and grow more awareness of the inside world. And of course once you have this, you can consciously decide to change or ignore, hahaha.

My birth mother passed away when I was 12. My birth father passed away when I was 26. We didn’t have much stability, but my mom was my rock and armour. I grieved heavily for mom until I was 20. I had no clarity. I questioned God’s actions. Dads death brought a different type of questioning for God and life, a lesson I also only learnt a year ago.

When you’re an only child, you have very little to fall on, to blame, to ask, I’m going to put a LOL here cause this might sound funny. I always used to joke as a child, Who can I blame if I want to pretend, all fingers will always point at me. Anyway, that’s life, preparing you for your future.

And now as a grown woman, things are starting to make so much sense. The clarity is here, in my face, the reasons are here, crystal clear. So much so, that I thank them for making me, introducing me to life and handing me over to humanity at the right times.

And then I remember my mother (who raised me since), in her words: Faithful God fearing people are always under attack from the enemy, I don’t know why. But I have to continue Gods work, even when I get hurt. And now I believe the same, all of the work you’ve done in the past doesn’t mean it’s done, nothing is done. The more battles you overcome, the stronger you become. But because our mentality is start-finish-done mode, that’s why we question future challenges. What we don’t realise is that these things come to you as: Check yourself sister! Do you still remember this one? Are you still on track or have you fallen of? Anyway, these are just some. Our work for ourselves, just like our work for the Higher power and the universe are never ever Done.

The cycle of life will always continue.

And within this cycle, signs of clarity and answers to your questions will arise. We have to pay attention, we have to be vigilant. I now know why God removed them from this earth at the times when it happened. I’ve made peace with it.

Last week, I realised in haste I got all upset and confused. But yesterday, after conversations with 2 beautiful souls I received the answers. Thank you Charlene, for paying attention.

But also remember this, oh man, this is so awesome and relates to my previous post

So yeah, haha I freakin love this shit.

Sorry – Apologies.

Love,

CharChar

Let’s assess this….

Do you ever sit down to ‘checklist’ yourself?

If so, how? Based on what? When? And of course, Why?

I’m sitting in the library studying and all of a sudden I realised how my life has been going.

(Some background info; I had an interesting negative emotional rollercoaster week and at lunch with friends we had a good stimulating chat. There are always lead up events that stimulate shit. If you didn’t know this – know it now. Nothing just happens – nothing!

I started thinking about my physical development, my mental- emotional development, my life stages, my personal growth, my life experiences, my losses and gains (losses first cause they teach me lessons, gains are the rewards for doing You) etc.

Now I’m at the stage of evaluating how I make my decisions, what motivates it? What lead to it? How important is it? Did I evaluate and think of alternatives, more importantly did I pray about it? Did I consult important people?

All of the above matters.

And then I noticed and realised a pattern, one that I’ve claimed I’ve eliminated, yet it is still full in existence.

So I’ve Worked worked worked for a better tomorrow my whole life. Worked so much that I keep moving from plan to plan, goal to goal, drive myself like crazy cause I need to be bla bla bla…. and guess what? I follow similar techniques. Sorry girl, it’s time that you realise that these techniques in 2018 with your current lifestyle just won’t work. Check yourself real well baby girl.

And then boom! Lightbulb went off. My dear Char char, you can’t jump from one thing to another. A year ago I made a life changing decision – still in the process of completion. Two weeks ago I made another decision – quite a big one. But what I realise now was making decision no. 2 came out of fear, not having enough faith. Faith in God, faith in myself and my future. I still want to do it but right now I have to complete the first one. I have to sit down and evaluate my decision a little more, because I need to take many things into consideration. Seriously, I can’t just drop no.1 for no. 2! If I want to build the habit of completion I have to live it. Ay ya ya! Stop, Slow down and smell the roses along the way. Just take a deep breathe in and out.

You are following the same fast-paced rushed style from the past. You claim to relax but you’re so stressed that you’re studying in the last month of exam – after having months to prepare (honest confession).

So I obviously need to improve my time management and less fear about some things in life.

And another thing, after having this way of thinking for 38 years doesn’t mean I can 100% change my brain within a few months. Take Your Time. Why are you even Rushing?

Take Your Time to enjoy your freedom, take your time to enjoy you, take your time to be you. The rest WILL come.

Anyway, that’s me – today – now.

Charchar