I’m not…

But it doesn’t mean that I’m not striving for it. I do!

And in the same process I’ve come to discover some things about me: (funny that I’m writing this in the last month of the year)

1. I always have too many things on my plate

2. I feel terrible abandoning projects or saying no to a great project

3. I really love supporting and cheerleading others

4. I no longer get mad when people copy or use my idea because it wasn’t mine to keep in any case. It was mine to use, show and inspire.

5. I’m fucking amazing, my brain is so damn powerful I just need to learn how to tame it some days.

6. I truly love spending time on my personal development but I get so distracted.

7. I’m a great planner but not so great executor.

8. I do love learning From Everyone, especially older and experienced people in their field.

9. Im really struggling getting rid of the pooch belly and I know exactly why.

10. In the end, I still love being Charlene.

And just like that I’ve answered all the questions I had, why things aren’t getting done and why my thought processes are all over the place.

It only takes a few moments for me to sit down quietly, allow the thoughts to flow freely and put them down in writing. Voila!!

Amazeballs as always, writing is my therapy.

But isn’t this quote just awesome? Yes yes!

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I challenge You!

There are a lot of challenges going around these days and all mostly fitness related. I myself have participated in some.

But tonight, I challenged myself to something different.

Dinner time I remembered I had lettuce for a salad. It was just after 8 and I wasn’t ready to start cooking. I took out the broccoli, radish, celery, lettuce and tofu.

Step 1: broccoli requires blanching, ok boiled some water.

Step 2: wash the veggies

Step 3: sauce? What shall we do? Oh yes, I have balsamic vinegar. Let’s get that out.

Step 4: the tofu – surely I can’t eat it like that, it has practically no taste, maybe a bit of spice or vinegar? Wait but didn’t I take out the balsamic vinegar? Mhm

Step 5: Charlene, why don’t you do a raw veggie salad? And then I remembered what I wanted to do in August but it never happened.

So yeah, change of plans, turned off the hot plate, chopped up the veggies and bang!

And at this stage I sprinkled some Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) over half of the salad, picked up the balsamic and went to sit down.

To my surprise, I didn’t touch the balsamic. The salad tasted so good without anything but the ACV on half.

Last week momma bear and I were having a chat and I told her with my next trip this crazy lady ain’t coming back with a suitcase filled with food. I told her: This is unnecessary! She said: Of course it is! We both giggled. Poppa bear on the other hand commented with: There’s a sale tomorrow, are you coming? It was such a great laugh for all of us cause they know how I get frantic over my food purchases whenever I’m in my hometown. Nobody or nothing can stop me, and yes we hunt down the sales, checking the pamphlets and all that. Forget clothing sales, I’m heading for the food.

Here’s the real story behind it, you know I’m an emotional eater but I’ve made major transformational steps with my eating habits. I’m still moving through the stages, slipping and sliding but I’m definitely at a better place now than ever before.

Background: where I come from a woman can get beaten real bad if she didn’t add any flavour to the food. If you give a man a plate of food with low salt flavour or too much salt, you’re in big trouble. I witnessed this throughout my life with my birth father shouting and screaming over food that didn’t have enough taste, spice, salt, flavour whatever. At the same time, I was married to a man who couldn’t live without salt or flavour. And eventually after I tried to improve his diet due to his hypertension was told I can’t cook or he refused to eat my food coming up with silly excuses. The same reason why I decided to change my diet and lifestyle in order to inspire him – so that he too can make that shift. Backfire! Hahahahaha! It didn’t work.

I watched myself have the same pain my birth mother did.

Close to the end of our marriage, I remember times whenever I cooked what used to be his favourite food and he didn’t even want to touch it. When I put forward something with love, time and effort, it was no longer tasty. And in the end I accepted it and decided to continue taking care of my own temple and leave him to care for himself. Of course I still tried, but the effort became different.

Fast forward, during this time (2016 till 2017) I learned how to get in touch with what I eat on a different level. I changed my relationship and connection with food. I learned how to control food and not the other way, I’m still learning this daily, today’s story is evidence thereof.

During this process, I told myself that I want to experience more of nature’s goodness, and thanks to my love for fruits, veggies and legumes this was easy.

Now, today, after I had my salad ( which was also inspired by a good friend who is a raw vegan) I decided – this shit isn’t even hard.

I came back with spices this time, much less than before. And the way I feel right now, is to get rid of them, in particular the flavoured ones. I’ll keep the paprika, mixed herbs, turmeric, black pepper etc., but the rest, I’m afraid they will have to vacate the premises. I’ll gladly hand them over to someone else.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I will never cook with spices, but I’m challenging myself to work with less. In particular work with what is really needed and forget all the added additives and enhancers. To be in touch with nature, we have to ( I have to) learn to live with less. And in most cases less is best.

Not only so, as you can see in my background story where this comes from, it’s a cycle that I’m breaking. The beauty of it all is that I can exactly pinpoint where it’s coming from. I’m so glad for breakthroughs like this , as Oprah says; the Aha moment! Incredible shit (one day I won’t use this word anymore).

We hold on to stuff, we think we can’t live without certain stuff. When people ask you, what’s the one food you can never give up? I usually say bread and cheese! And I add this is probably why I can’t become vegan. But it’s not even about becoming vegan or not, it’s more deeper than that.

And I’ve lived without those things because out of sight becomes out of mind. For the same reason when I see sugar, I have no feeling or reason to reach for it and add it to my coffee. I just don’t. I’ve trained myself to let it go gradually. I know the damage it can cause and I know how I felt the day I stopped at the very last spoon. And that feeling alone was F fantabulous!

Damn! This was a good story if I have to say so myself. I got it off my chest, off my heart, feels so good!

Some of my personal challenges:

1. I’ve challenged myself to learn how to speak comfortably in front of the camera, it worked

2. I’ve challenged myself to quit adding sugar to my coffee (from 3 spoons to zero), it worked.

3. I’ve challenged myself to try a raw veggie salad without adding condiments, it worked.

4. I’ve challenged myself to take care of my body by enjoying nature’s best, it’s working with some ups and downs but definitely working.

5. I’ve challenged myself to be kind to me, always give myself second chances, it works!

6. I’ve challenged myself to forget the word ‘I cant’ to continue trying, this one is connected to so many other things but we continue to work on it.

7. I’ve challenged myself to take a break when I feel tired, breathe, drink something, close my eyes and rest my eyelids, it Works like magic every time!

8. I’ve challenged myself to continue being my rescue and my own best friend, it works!

9. I’ve challenged myself to call or write to someone when I miss them.

10. I’ve challenged myself to say I’m not okay, and to be vulnerable, this has caused so much growth and moving towards my true self and authenticity.

Life alone can be a challenge. Let’s step aside from all the layers, stuff, things, create your own challenges of growth. Experience the different, experience the growth.

Love,

Char

Pick yourself up!

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I’m having a calming, relaxing Sunday trying to cover the soft bubbles of worry under the surface.

Let’s start on the smooth side, I grew up with Sunday night being a highlight of the past week and preparing for the new week. It’s kinda still the same, only the thought processes and responsibilities are different.

So here I am, remembering my week, the good, the bad, the current with my delectable spread and bubbly. I’ve been planning this meal since Monday, looking forward to the moment. And so here I am, perfect date night on my lazy boy with Jason Mraz. Need I say more? Mhm

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Then the rough part, our family got thrown a rock late last night with brother’s health taking a different turn. We were all shocked and didn’t know how to react to the situation. I cried, grandma cried, mom cried, I can only imagine how brother is feeling. We question everything, including Gods hand on the situation. Humans do this, regardless of anything. And then we either choose to take a step back, breathe and say, I can’t control this situation, or,,,,,,,,,? yeah well, I’m not going the other route now.

My heart goes out to my parents as church folk who had to get up this morning to minister to their community, regardless of how they feel. I had planned to go to church followed by my first meetup gathering. The idea of cancelling crossed my mind, I wish I had 2 hours to sulk and crawl into a hole, I had 30 minutes of breakdown,  put on my big girl panties and be a grown up. Luckily I was able to do me and my task, returning to later finding myself back to sulking again. And then? Shook it off to continue with life. And honestly, I’d rather have this than not doing me and life at the same time. 2 mini meltdowns in one day is probably okay right? And as I ended number 2, I asked one friend who happened to check up on me that very moment to say a prayer and send good thoughts my family’s way. I do believe in the energy of people, I don’t need to share too much detail, it’s a case for goodness, that’s all.

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But here I am, Sunday evening reflections, because I want to, I have to, For me, For those I love, For those I care about, and more importantly, for my Soul! The good sigh just came out, I’m calm, I’m okay, and tomorrow will be better. This week will be better, why would I wish for anything else? Fuck that shit, fuck off somewhere else!

Care to dare feel good and hopeful!

Love and light, to a new week. Soar!

In health and wellness,

Love, Charlene

 

I’m Busy, Im Very Very Busy

Hey! Long time no write!

So this is by far the most popular line I’ve used since 2017, it usually comes paired with the How are you question. What do I mean when I say, I’m busy:

Im not Bored

-Im Alive and Active

-Im actually Doing shit – I mean stuff

-My Life has something going

-Im trying to Distract myself from negativity or even delayed gratification (YESS)

-I don’t want to be Bothered

-Im Working on my Empire

-Im becoming a Better Person

-Im Building a Brand from scratch

-Im trying to Swim not Sink

-Im working on the Self

-Im trying to Focus

-Im F…. Fabulous

-Im Im Im….

But when I say this, I have a feeling people feel sorry for me. Busy can be a good thing too, as you can see from my reasons.

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been overwhelmed with everything thats happening around me and others close to me.

The same thing happened last year. My work period is usually starts from August and my year ends around January, i know this is rather strange but this is China, we rule the world. Wait, is that God or Girls? Just kidding, relax. I remembered, Beyonce said ‘Girls, we Run the world and God is the world. Fair enough.

To the point, this helping soul started some new side projects – all still in the foundation phase. But if you know me, I always have an idea or vision up my sleeve. Damn diversed as hell and creative as Picasso. Credit goes to the ex for saying yes to the many crazy ideas i’ve shared with him and also for me watching him do his business over the years.

Oh yes, the overwhelming feeling. It comes when you aren’t sure about your priorities, when you’re trying to help yourself last and others first and when the focus is low. Confession: Ive been working 98% and socialising 2%. Sometimes that socialising is semi work too, social scientists never really rest. I know so many people, but I have been keeping myself to myself, for very valid reasons.

Anyone of my good friends can tell you I love me some socialising and entertainment,  but one thing is for sure, nothing new starts from you not ploughing your foundation well, doesn’t it? At the same time,  as a wellness enthusiast I’m all for doing things in harmony. The only balance I have in my life is with my meals, i think life shouldn’t always be balanced, another post for this.

But sometimes during the busy periods, there is something called, DISTRACTION! in my case, its my mobile phone. In China, this is your golden tool. You can’t do anything without your phone, literally! Im not joking. We also have our powerful app called ‘wechat’ that we use as our main source of social media and also for payments EVERYWHERE. Cardless – paperless transactions from the mall to the streets. A few places still take cash, very rare though.

So once I’m on the phone, it gets difficult putting it down and not being distracted by another app, message, post etc.

Change is inevitable! Last week I made the following improvements:

  1. Continue having my morning routine.
  2. Learning not to touch my phone when I wake up in the morning (the summer vacation caused this, i used to have this habit out of the way) Waaa, You caused it Charlene!
  3. Reading a book on productivity.
  4. Reading a beginners guide to mindfulness. This is VERY close to my heart and soul.
  5. Doing a 21-day goal setting challenge.
  6. Will start a 21-day meditation practice from next week. Always wanted to, but never got there.
  7. I have my list of projects and tasks listed on sticky notes (I’m a kinaesthetic -visual person) on my noticeboard.
  8. I’ve mind mapped all my projects on the wall.
  9. I’m timing myself – something new. (basically give myself timeslots to do something)
  10. Make sure I stay in contact with my family, even if we talk about the expensive petrol prices
  11. Took all my full-time and part-time teaching supplies to the office, the job should be done in the teachers room, not at home, thats the plan.
  12. Every day I get to have mobile free meals too, this will improve with the mindfulness practice.

To you I’m going to say, I’ve been here before, and you too. So,

Now this may sound rigid, but trust me it isn’t. And did you forget that I’m still human, mistakes happen.  I don’t want to slip up – i want to keep going but i can’t predict things. Projection is better than Rejection.

I’ve listed what I see as the important things I’m working on for self improvement. I didn’t even list my work. So you see, I’m really busy and the best part is I’m enjoying EVERY single phase of growth, development and change.

And on that note, I’m going to end off by saying, I’m proud of me working to what is now 5.5% of the big goal. Don’t stop – Wont stop! And here’s the workspace at the moment.

Until next time. Under my …ella, ella ella.

Char

A journey of a lifetime

So the trend in the past few years have been, My journey. I’m on a health journey, a renewed journey etc. Even me I use it, cause I’m on my transformation

Before we get there, I’m going to quickly side track….

I’m no wordsmith, but I do pay attention to words, how I describe myself, and how I talk to myself. And in my books, this is essential. We critique ourselves the hardest, we are mean to us and we don’t even realise it. Honestly, sometimes it takes time to be gentle with yourself, I know this cause I’ve experienced it.

Months ago I met someone had a random chat. We talked about food etc., I said I love pizza. We didn’t get to the fact that I’m also super health conscious in my own ways yet the guy commented, so it’s your cheat day? I stopped and said, I don’t do cheat days, I eat what I want. I don’t cheat on myself. He said: Oh you’re one of those uptight CEO ladies that’s super sensitive about everything. And I went mhmmm, this is how he perceives me. Ok, well that’s fine. Moving on….. I claim the CEO for sure! Amen!

Sensitive? Yes, you should know how you use negative words over your life. Be careful of repeating the same things to yourself over and over. It appears meaningless at the time, but you’re creating that negative chat cycle. You can maintain modesty, but not to the detriment of your integrity and respect for You.

Back to the journey, and my issue with this word. In 2009 I had my first experience with the Law of Attraction. I’ve always been passionate about mental well-being, but I was not aware of this concept and how practical it can be applied in every day life.

After 2 years of practicing the law of attraction I was very tuned in and tapped on with my conscious being. It was great. To an extend, I knew and became aware of what lies beyond as well, in the subconscious and unconscious. My belief system shifted, I felt great. I thought this was it, my journey to discover me has been completed. Haha, see the journey. For clarification, I coupled the law of attraction with my religious beliefs and my knowledge of psychology.

And then came life barriers, The real big ones, and I went, but didn’t I deal with that already?

Haven’t we passed this stage? Why are we here again? I’m not supposed to be here, I’ve done the work.

Naive Charlene, thinking that whatever happened or was dealt with in the past will never return. Thinking that the life will be perfect from here on. Sorry booboo, it doesn’t work that way.

And this is why I have changed my line about being on a journey.

A week ago, my brother asked me, Are you still studying? When will you stop? I said, youshould never close yourself for learning and developing. These words I was saying to him and to myself. You can’t always rely on past lessons and experiences. You have to be open to learn, experience more and more. It’s not about going to school, oh no, your lessons are around you Every Single Day. This Is My Life.

Journeys have a start and end point. My life is continuous. It evolves, it moves, it can never stagnate. It flows, it’s active. When I go on a project, task, travel experience, these are journeys. They have a starting and ending point. But living my lifestyle is forever. You see I can never go back, I can’t have what I used to, I can’t depend on the lady, I smile at the past and I’m excited for the future. But for today, I live, it’s my life to learn and grow into a beautiful oak tree with the most vibrant green leaves.

On that note, it’s also about your interpretation and understanding right? And for me, I’m on my life.

Breathe, Smile, Feel, Love, Give.

Char

It’s just stuff

What do you hoard? I used to hoard shoes but over the years I’ve drastically reduced my pile. I quickly discovered the I hoard PDF’s of all kind, I used to hoard music files but then I ran out of space on my laptop and my hard drives. And now I’m running out of space in my life hahahaha

It’s hilarious right? Where does this come from? From having nothing to always keeping your arms open to get more?

I think it comes from the fear of losing things, physically and emotionally. We are in a world where so much is going on, we consume more outside things, we care more of the external than the internal. We create beliefs and values based on Stuff on the exterior. And then you’re afraid of missing out, also known as FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), on important trends happening around you. You’re afraid you’ll be left behind. So you HOLD On to things. You also want to fill up your reserve and your super-reserve haha. And! We want to be ready – prepared at all times. But it doesn’t work that way.

You justify it by saying: I will read it one day, I will listen to it one day, I will wear it one day, I will use it one day. Come on! How many one days have passed and you never thought of that Thing? Mhmm, speaking to myself and the masses right now.

Oh then there’s my favourite – I need it! I want it! Haha, what do you need? How do you know you need it? Hilarious! I’ve lost files in the past, once it’s gone there’s nothing you or any technician can do about it. That’s it!

So sometimes, when I feel a bit overwhelmed I have to clear clutter and get rid of stuff. I clean up or scrub something in order to release tension or whatever. It works for me! I can also praise myself for the all to popular ‘One thing in- Another thing out. I live by this! When I buy a new clothes/shoes/bags, I do get rid of an old item. It’s not everything that I hold on to. In my entire wardrobe I have about 5 clothing items not regularly worn, I’d say that’s a good number. For shoes? Mhm, maybe 3 pairs of heels bought on a sale, that I can get rid of now. I walk daily using public transport etc, heels aren’t comfortable for me.

In China, I have a girlfriend who is on the minimalist lifestyle. I’ve learnt new tricks and adjustments from her. And this led me to my new wardrobe plans, space plans etc.

So far, I’ve gotten rid of my sofa, Yes, I said sofa. It’s one of the things that makes me the laziest. Cause if you have shit to do, you need to pay attention to what’s holding you back. That damn sofa was like a magnet, it draws you in so much, by the time you check your watch your entire day has passed. I’m really serious. So now I camp out on the floor (carpeted and cushioned). Not always comfy, but I’ve had to learn to adjust and make this situation doable. Isn’t that what flexibility is really about?

There’s more to come, this is only the start.

Peace and love,

Char

An empty vessel is a useless vessel. Give wisely.

Being a pillar for someone isn’t easy. Being strong is worse. Showing that you are independent is demanding on you and a guaranteed ticket for others that they can rely on you.

Never saying the words ‘I’m not okay’ is stupid. This is why no one ever reaches out to you cause you are always doing fine through their eyes. And every time they do decide to ask you – you’re always fine. Can you blame them? No! It’s what you asked for- peace and quietness.

As much as I love being a giver, it gets exhausting never being a receiver. I’ve yearned for the tlc and being spoilt, simply because I think I truly deserved it. I’ve learnt the long wait and how to wait some more and more and more. But last year I decided to stop waiting. I felt that I wasn’t moving forward especially mentally. I felt trapped in one place and Ive been living a cycle of events over and over. This became very evident to me.

I’m starting all over – from the very beginning. I’m learning how I can rely and depend on me all over again, regardless of the past. The biggest lesson is learning how to love me and how to love others. But more importantly, I’m learning how to stop, feed my engine first before I give anyone and I mean anyone, from my reserve tank. I just point blankly refuse.

Learning – Growing – Living – Loving

Char

Thank you for clarity.

Human beings are all stubborn. The more exposure to the outside world, the more out of touch we grow with the inside world, this is my opinion based on my experience. The good thing is, there are always opportunities to balance, harmonise and grow more awareness of the inside world. And of course once you have this, you can consciously decide to change or ignore, hahaha.

My birth mother passed away when I was 12. My birth father passed away when I was 26. We didn’t have much stability, but my mom was my rock and armour. I grieved heavily for mom until I was 20. I had no clarity. I questioned God’s actions. Dads death brought a different type of questioning for God and life, a lesson I also only learnt a year ago.

When you’re an only child, you have very little to fall on, to blame, to ask, I’m going to put a LOL here cause this might sound funny. I always used to joke as a child, Who can I blame if I want to pretend, all fingers will always point at me. Anyway, that’s life, preparing you for your future.

And now as a grown woman, things are starting to make so much sense. The clarity is here, in my face, the reasons are here, crystal clear. So much so, that I thank them for making me, introducing me to life and handing me over to humanity at the right times.

And then I remember my mother (who raised me since), in her words: Faithful God fearing people are always under attack from the enemy, I don’t know why. But I have to continue Gods work, even when I get hurt. And now I believe the same, all of the work you’ve done in the past doesn’t mean it’s done, nothing is done. The more battles you overcome, the stronger you become. But because our mentality is start-finish-done mode, that’s why we question future challenges. What we don’t realise is that these things come to you as: Check yourself sister! Do you still remember this one? Are you still on track or have you fallen of? Anyway, these are just some. Our work for ourselves, just like our work for the Higher power and the universe are never ever Done.

The cycle of life will always continue.

And within this cycle, signs of clarity and answers to your questions will arise. We have to pay attention, we have to be vigilant. I now know why God removed them from this earth at the times when it happened. I’ve made peace with it.

Last week, I realised in haste I got all upset and confused. But yesterday, after conversations with 2 beautiful souls I received the answers. Thank you Charlene, for paying attention.

But also remember this, oh man, this is so awesome and relates to my previous post

So yeah, haha I freakin love this shit.

Sorry – Apologies.

Love,

CharChar

Let’s assess this….

Do you ever sit down to ‘checklist’ yourself?

If so, how? Based on what? When? And of course, Why?

I’m sitting in the library studying and all of a sudden I realised how my life has been going.

(Some background info; I had an interesting negative emotional rollercoaster week and at lunch with friends we had a good stimulating chat. There are always lead up events that stimulate shit. If you didn’t know this – know it now. Nothing just happens – nothing!

I started thinking about my physical development, my mental- emotional development, my life stages, my personal growth, my life experiences, my losses and gains (losses first cause they teach me lessons, gains are the rewards for doing You) etc.

Now I’m at the stage of evaluating how I make my decisions, what motivates it? What lead to it? How important is it? Did I evaluate and think of alternatives, more importantly did I pray about it? Did I consult important people?

All of the above matters.

And then I noticed and realised a pattern, one that I’ve claimed I’ve eliminated, yet it is still full in existence.

So I’ve Worked worked worked for a better tomorrow my whole life. Worked so much that I keep moving from plan to plan, goal to goal, drive myself like crazy cause I need to be bla bla bla…. and guess what? I follow similar techniques. Sorry girl, it’s time that you realise that these techniques in 2018 with your current lifestyle just won’t work. Check yourself real well baby girl.

And then boom! Lightbulb went off. My dear Char char, you can’t jump from one thing to another. A year ago I made a life changing decision – still in the process of completion. Two weeks ago I made another decision – quite a big one. But what I realise now was making decision no. 2 came out of fear, not having enough faith. Faith in God, faith in myself and my future. I still want to do it but right now I have to complete the first one. I have to sit down and evaluate my decision a little more, because I need to take many things into consideration. Seriously, I can’t just drop no.1 for no. 2! If I want to build the habit of completion I have to live it. Ay ya ya! Stop, Slow down and smell the roses along the way. Just take a deep breathe in and out.

You are following the same fast-paced rushed style from the past. You claim to relax but you’re so stressed that you’re studying in the last month of exam – after having months to prepare (honest confession).

So I obviously need to improve my time management and less fear about some things in life.

And another thing, after having this way of thinking for 38 years doesn’t mean I can 100% change my brain within a few months. Take Your Time. Why are you even Rushing?

Take Your Time to enjoy your freedom, take your time to enjoy you, take your time to be you. The rest WILL come.

Anyway, that’s me – today – now.

Charchar

My heart is singing

Have you had this experience? Today I made a really big decision. One that I’ve longed for, for years.

You know that time when you wanted to do it but but but but, all of that stopped you. And then it’s almost out of nowhere you change and take a leap of faith. And boy am I taking a massive step in faith, in God, in me, and in my future existence on this earth.

If it wasn’t for Gods protection, His Holy Spirit, my family, my strong will and endurance, the universe sending the right signs and people, I have no idea where I would’ve been right now.

I have them, they know it, I know it, God knows it.

And today, my heart is singing.

Excited, nervous, excited excited, little nervous yet Very Excited!

Charlene, I love you.

Marching on, marching forward.

Believe in You, learn to get to know You.